Everyone Poops

   I have now been out of the hospital for a month, and on Monday, September 23rd I was discharged by my home care nurse. The job of which was to teach me how to live with an ileostomy, including, but not limited to what I can expect, as well as how to take proper care of my "stoma."  My last big appointment concerning my surgery is on October 9th for my follow up appointment with my surgeon.  Assuming that he clears me with a clean bill of health, and puts no real restrictions on my lifestyle, for all intents and purposes October 10th will be the first day of the rest of my life.

  Going into this surgery, I was really concerned with body image. How would I deal with my new appendage?  Would I stay strong and live by the all of the positive things I had preached to my friends prior to my surgery?  Or would I crumble in the reality of my new situation? The truth is, while I was saying all the right things, I was trying to convince myself more than anyone else. I was really scared, I was scared that I wasn't emotionally/mentally strong enough to deal with a life with a permanent ileostomy, and my emotions all stemmed from my first bout with the "bag.".

   Three things stuck out in my mind from having an ileostomy when I was eighteen.  First, I was so embarrassed, I didn't even tell my girlfriend, whom I was spending everyday with prior to surgery, like I was some how going to be able to hide it from her. Still, even after she found out, I wouldn't let her see me in anything less than boxers. Second, while stopping to get gas one day I ran into a girl who I graduated high school with, while exchanging pleasantries I was interrupted by a pointed finger, and the $64,000 dollar question, "what's that?" To which I calmly replied, "umm...that's my ileostomy bag, uh...I gotta go." Thirdly, while out with a friend one evening my bag broke, which resulted, in my own feces being spread out over my shirt and stomach.  These are the things I have come to associate what a life with an ileostomy bag would consist of; hence my apprehension, and fear of emotional/mental stability.

   Fast forward to present day: I am no longer eighteen, but thirty five, and permanently adorned with an ileostomy bag. While I wish I was able to say something along the lines of, "that was then and, this is now," and follow that with stories of how well I've adjusted to my new "life," I'm just not quite there yet, however, things are far from bleak.  Knowing that I was going to have a tough time adjusting, I planned ahead. I spoke with my personal trainer who I worked out with prior to surgery, and discussed with him how I wanted to turn this negative into a positive by getting into the best shape of my life.  I also asked a good friend of mine, who is a phenomenal photographer to take pictures of me "modeling" my new appliance. My thought process being, if I'm going to have an ileostomy, I'm not going to hide it, I'll become the "poster child" for ileostomies if that's what it takes for me to become comfortable in my own skin.  I refuse to let my neurotic fears dictate my self image.  I will love myself, not in spite of my ileostomy, but because of my ileostomy.

   Bottom Line: I do now, and always will wear an ileostomy bag.  Do I like the fact that this is my situation? Of course not, will I have bad days where I curse my situation, and wish it wasn't mine to deal with? Absolutely! I understand that there is going to be an adjustment period before I become completely comfortable living with an ileostomy, but when I do start to feel overwhelmed, I need to remind myself of the reason why I wear this ileostomy bag; I wear this ileostomy bag because I am lucky enough to call myself a survivor, instead of  being referred to as a statistic.  My ileostomy bag is my "Badge of Honor," and with pride I say," my name is Kris, and I wear a bag of shit on my hip!"

  Lastly, I invite all of you to ask me anything you would like to know concerning my ileostomy, I am an open book, and there is no such thing as a question to personal.  You can ask me, via the comment section on this blog, or my e-mail at kristoferadam78@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you.